Talos Angel's Top 10 Hottest Animated Women

Thanks to Acaciathorn for the base chart thingy.

Yeah...This was an April Fool's joke just in case that wasn't clear. Also, bonus points if you can figure out the gimmick behind it.
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Original description below.
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Well, Alice broke up with me yesterday and I've been drowning in liquor, which isn't healthy. I feel a better way to vent would be to decide who the top ten hottest and most attractive fictional women would be. So, without further ado, grab a glass of lemonade, and strap on your seatbelts, cause here we goooooooo!

Who's that hen at number ten? Why it's Omochao from the Sonic series of course! Although more of an annoying f%^ than a hottie, you have to admit that Omochao has a certain charm to her. She's always there to help you, even if it doesn't feel like it, and isn't that ultimately what matters? Well...except for Sonic 1 Omochao edition, where she tries to kill you by timing you out...

Drink some brine for number nine! It's Escargoon's Mom from Kirby of the Stars (or Kirby Right Back at Ya, if you swing that way.) She may be old and withered, but she has a heart of gold and a passionate soul. Her son, Escargoon may be the sleazy right hand minion of the fat jerk DeDeDe, but she still forgives him and cares about him, and that takes character! The fact that Escargoon wanted to make her proud of him by pretending to be the king says a lot about her.

Don't give hate to number eight! It's Fujisaki Chihiro from Dangan Ronpa! She's strong-hearted, kind, good with computers, and looks cute in a dress. Need I say more?

Number seven is straight from Heaven! It's Darksun Gwyndolin from Dark Souls! She sounds a little awkward when she talks, and hides behind an optional boss door all the time, but she really has good qualities to her. She protects her father's grave with all her heart, and even created a big (and I mean BIG) sister to help her rule over Anor Londo. That takes quite some clever smarts there.

Number six is from the River Styx! It's Kyuubey from Madoka Magica! We all love to root for the forces of good but sometimes we have to admit that the bad girls have won. Kyuubey is the perfect example of this; she uses her cute charms and promises of an easy solution to trick everybody into doing her bidding, and she can survive getting turned into swiss cheese! Don't you wish YOU could do that?!

Number five makes me feel alive! It's Ring.EXE from Megaman.EXE! Based on Ringman from Megaman 4, Capcom switched this robot master's gender for the EXE series. I gotta say, that's probably the best decision they've made in a good long while; I mean, just LOOK at her adorable ring-linked rainbow twintails! Now THAT'S what I would call a "hothead!"

Number four takes a while to do through doors! It's Zero, from Megaman X and Megaman Zero! I found Zero to be one of the more amazing Megaman characters that Inafune has created. I mean, she was created by Dr. Wily but she uses her powers for good; She was X's mentor, the best maverick hunter ever, and she even sacraficed her life to stop the Earth from being destroyed TWICE! What I find most interesting about Zero is the fact that all of her love interests are women, making Zero Capcom's first homosexual female protagonist! Ain't that a triumph for social justice?

Number three makes me go SQUEEEE! It's Watarase Jun from Happiness! She's full of spunk and pep, and her purple hair is really long and silky. SHe also sometimes throws her clothes off for some reason, which is really kinky.

One, two, she has cute shoes! It's Mariandale from Ixion Saga. I'll admit, this beautiful vixen is the reason why I haven't dropped the series after a few episodes. Her beauty, charm, and lovely personality make up for what the rest of the series lacked, and they seemed to realize this after a while. Also, need I mention her big, lushous, squishy fondle-fondle...hair bun?! Cause I totally just mentioned it now!

So...we've seen an Omochao, a snail, a computer expert, and even a manipulative little *&(&! Who could possibly trump all of these beautiful, strong, and lovable women in terms of all of these? Well...get ready for the most fun with...NUMBER ONE!

IT'S KIRBY! From...Kirby...

She's the HOTTEST of the HOT for sure! If you say otherwise, then GO F$%^ YOURSELF! Kirby has protected the entire universe from the likes of Nightmare, Zero-Two, and Meta-Knight for over 21 years! I know what you're thinking..."Oh Talos, SHE'S A BALL!" Yeah, she also has an adorable voice, a brave heart, and the ability to kill anything by inhaling it! She can also use the powers of what she inhales, giving her a wide variety of powers and strategies! I don't care if she is a ball, SHE IS BEST WAIFU 2014! One interesting thing to note: In the manual of the original Kirby's Dreamland, Kirby is refered to as a "he." That's probably a translation error.

So there you have it! The top 10 hottest, cutest, and indeed sexiest animated women ever. Now, I'm going to hit the bottle, so go listen to some Rick Astley or something. Bye...